Marriage

This is Cassie, my daughter, and Chris getting married in our back yard.  I think this must be when Rev. Eric Meter is asking Chris whether he . . . I don't think it was "take this woman."  Different words, more meaningful.  I made Cassie's bouquet, but someone else did her hair.  A part of the service I liked was when Eric asked the assembled company - me, Tom, and grandson Otto - whether we would accept and support this couple, and we said "We will" in loud unison.  Many of Chris's relatives in Canada were watching via video, and if they said "We will" I couldn't hear it.

It was cool when we three surprised them with chimes and bells at the end.  But the most impressive part of the service to me was when Eric spoke about responsibility.  The service was firm about that; marriage is about assuming responsibility, not only for the other person, but for this third thing you are inviting in - the relationship.  You will be required to give it time, to tend the relationship itself.

I thought how Tom and I sit down and talk when something is troubling one of us, usually me, or have a meeting when there are major financial decisions to discuss, like getting a furnace. And we routinely just sit with coffee and breakfast and the morning paper, and casually download miscellaneous stuff, our dreams, our daily schedule. That is marriage-tending time.  Then of course there is murmuring in bed.  You can't have an intimate relationship if you are not available for this kind of ritual.

We are coming up on our 26th anniversary in October, pretty good for people with disastrous early relationships.  I wish the same for Cassie and Chris.

Small Woman Leaves a Large Shadow

When Kay Smart passed away January 24, the village of Gratiot reeled.

No one could imagine Gratiot without Kay.

For years, Kay was the caretaker of Gratiot’s children.

Kay, aged 60, lived her entire life in Gratiot and never married. That, however, didn’t mean that she had no children. Kay was a caretaker for the village children for the last 40 years. She put children on buses and got them off busses. She made scores of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She pushed babies in strollers to the post office and back. She was there for the children of Gratiot for snow days, 2 hour delays, summer vacations and emergencies.

A Gratiot icon, Kay went to the post office every day, and picked up the mail for several residents of her block. Her tiny figure moved up and down the street, chatting to everyone, and usually declining a ride – she preferred to walk. Kay was a tiny woman, 4 foot 10 and 80 pounds, in many cases smaller than the children she cared for. But her disposition was so sunny, and her attitude so bright that she seemed larger than life.

Villagers estimate that Kay had a hand in raising over 50 of the children of Gratiot. They have ranged from West M athletes and valedictorians, to a priest now practicing in Rome.

She will be missed.

by Cassie Ridenour

Year-end review

The year-end review mentality should not be indulged for too long, just long enough to save everything in your inbox in a separate folder titled 2008 year-end, a trick I learned from my daughter, Cassie. There are endless rituals you can use to close out the past; you could throw away all your unmatched socks, though honestly, I wouldn't advise that. You know what will happen if you do.

I find myself thinking sadly of a friend's bad karma, some mental disorganization that may be the result of years of enjoying that harmless pleasure, marijuana, which affects the frontal lobes. Or my own bad karma, the various actions that chipped away at my kidney function. To say nothing of the stock market, or the months wasted on stupid diets.

There is some benefit in reviewing the behavior that led you here - maybe you will change your low-down evil ways - but it is a limited benefit, since the past is only a fiction in your mind (and, you hope, not displayed on the internet).

Truth is, as we grow older we can't help but think of things we would have done differently, had we been born wise. Hindsight. Ouch. A teacher once told me, "You might have to go there, but you don't have to stay there." Foresight is somewhat more useful, though nothing ever turns out the way you imagined (the future is a fiction, too, a dream).

Much more useful is, what to call it, one-sight? seeing what you're doing now. The only moment in which you can take action. Which leads me to get dressed and go to the health club.

I think I won't say Happy New Year, but Happy New Moment.