The koan is called "Tozan's No Heat or Cold." How I know I've read this before is that my browser shows I've been here. I still don't get it. I mean, I still find myself thinking at times, Let me out of here! I haven't mastered umm....what have I not mastered? Well, sometimes I can't find my center. Sometimes I'm stuck with bad loud music or paranoid people or weird convoluted bureaucracies and I begin to make me feel overwhelmed. I don't like it. I want out of this too-bright mental state.
I won't use a specific example drawn from my long day today, on the off chance that someone who made me feel like that would read this and recognize themselves.
And now it's time for me to head into my bedtime routine and let this sit overnight.
It's morning, and I reread the case, and I got it again. Here's a quote from it that I put in my journal:
Where is this Oneness that everybody's always talking about, anyway? And Tozan tells him it right here, right in the midst of the heat and the cold - not somewhere else, not in some "higher" state he's got to reach. To be completely, unself-consciously cold, cold without any thought of escape or how well I'm handling being cold or anything, just [shivering] COLD - right there is no separation, no self.It always seems to be the same answer, just be here. Today I am in a much cooler place. A day to do laundry. To throw myself 100% into doing the laundry. I can do that.