|Thinking about collage|
Yes, there are a lot of threads, and boy, are there a lot of errors and problems along the way. I am so grateful that Zen Teacher Dogen said, "My life has been a series of mistakes." Of course it has; you're always doing something for the first time. Even if you've done it before, be prepared to be surprised.
Then there are the bigger problems we run into with our neurosis. I'm using that word in the way the Tibetan Buddhist teacher, Trungpa Rinpoche, used it, to refer to this kind of mixed-up conditioned self we are; psychiatry aside, we're all neurotic until we awaken fully. As I understand it, you are still you, and your neurosis will rear up at times, but if you're fully conscious and present you can invite it to go sit down in the other room while you make some tea.
When something is awfully difficult, that's your neurosis kicking up. Or mine. They are fond of saying that's exactly where your practice begins. I hate that. I'm glad I'm not a Teacher and I don't have to be nice and positive about that...............though I do believe in trying to be nice. Last Saturday night after a funeral I was introduced to a man in a beautiful Indonesian shirt was as "The Dalai Grandma," (a first for me), which led him to quote his favorite saying of the Dalai Lama: "Try to be nice."
Time for a breather.
next day -
The great news from my musculo-skeletal doc is that Friday's MRI shows no compression fractures in the spine. The unspoken news is also no tumors or cancer. He is confident I irritated a nerve, and it will heal over time, and I won't be as limited and in pain as I am right now. But what I have to do - are you ready? - is pamper myself. Yes.
And next time I start to hurt while driving, stop driving. I know exactly when the injury happened a couple of weeks ago. I was driving the van on a highway, running late, spine hurting like crazy but I didn't want to get off and change drivers; and Tom didn't feel great anyway, and had asked me to drive. Well, I am not yet too old to learn. Meanwhile, no PT just now and stay as active as I can. While pampering myself. So I'm off to do that now.