Sunday, October 24, 2010
Not thinking positive
I got on OSU's classy website to enter my vitals, and it asked me to take a little survey. The first question was How do you feel today compared to before your surgery? Worse, I had to say. That was a depressing truth.
But there's another side to this whole Zennish approach to what has been a fairly miserable day - it isn't awful. Or unfair. There's a lot of conceptualizing I'm not doing, in other words. Not blaming other people, none of whom warned me how this would be. Blame doesn't make a lot of sense, things are much more complicated than that. Nothing is how you thought it would be. That includes that I still don't have the clear, incisive mind I've been hoping to rediscover, now that my blood is clean. I spent much of the day under a lot of soft blankets feeling the breath at the tip of my nose, in and out. I suppose this is meditation.
Sheba just came yowling into the room. I want to record her and post it for the world to see what we put up with. We had no idea when we picked her out of the Old Ladies' Room at Cat Welfare - never heard her yowl. Sherlock had almost no voice; hers is huge. She is also the softest, silkiest animal you ever touched, and loves to be petted. You never know what you're getting with a cat, or anything else maybe.