Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Fast Lane
And of course, it's not just about that deteriorating spine, cervical, thoracic, lumbar, the osteoarthritis has covered every base. It's -
Distraction. Did it take me half an hour to figure out how to put the Google calendar gadget on my home page? then, how to add to it? And why was I in my e-mail anyway, that caused me to see it?
Actually, that is not off the point at all. The point is, I'm old. I'm not just getting old - you could say I'm getting older; I'm old. Case in point, why do I still have my regular glasses on? I need to wear my computer glasses when I'm at the computer or I make my neck hurt trying to look through the screen at exactly the right angle. I can't do that bifocal tilt. Like I said.....
And now it's an hour or two later. 1:00 pm, to be exact. Lunch at 2:00 and I haven't worked on my collage for this week, except in my mind. It was more important to catch up with my friend Laurie, and to pack a hospital survival gift basket for Tina, who is in intensive care in the heart unit, I'm sorry to say. She is 76, I believe, and has struggled with breathing problems for years now. Death will be a relief from that. She doesn't want visitors, so I'll drop the basket off. Someday I'll write to tell you guys how to pay a hospital visit. I do know how. But I am not only respecting Tina's stated wishes, I also know hospitals are danger zones for me, on immunosuppressants. So I don't insist.
And my e-mail just beeped to inform me that Sarah's funeral is next Saturday....I can't figure out how to add it to the Google calender now. Pause to add it to my phone calendar, at least. It will send me an alarm to remind me, too. How does any old person get by without a smart phone?....
And got an e-mail from the museum about a lecture on Degas' dancers next week, and I have the perfect friend to go to with it - an artist and a dancer (though no longer dancing on her feet). Left a message with her.
I was going to say, it's been very very very very hard to accept being this old, as if it happened all of a sudden, though it didn't. The back thing has scared me, that's the truth. MRI this Friday eve, so we will have you know, more information. Then options.....And I think maybe this post ends up showing not only how it is to be old in your body, but also how you begin to constantly lose people you love, and that will go on until all your friends and family are dead, though I dearly hope never to lose my daughter and grandson (still, it can happen). It's constantly acclimating to the changes in yourself, which feel right now like a snowball rolling downhill.