Getting through a busy week

Monday.  This morning when I looked at the kitchen calendar I had the thought, I just have to get through this week. Every day a medical thing to do, sometimes two: PT, labs, acupuncture, dr. appt, fill weekly pill case.  Really, only one is arduous - trying to get my Procrit out of the inevitably screwed-up Curascript (Express Scripts special pharmacy).  I will try to meditate while on hold, focus on practicing kindness while talking to people.  The only real problem with it is that I think they shouldn't be this way.  They are badly run, inefficient, but that's just a fact.

Also today, call Joanie, my new tx nurse, and see what we have to do next to schedule the surgery - bilateral nephrectomy - getting both native kidneys out.  It took two months to get the required cystoscopy.  Now what?  Thinking of it, I find I tense my jaws a little.  It will have to be in OSU, where transplant docs are right there if anything goes wrong.  Earlier in life I would have been continuously strung up, a subconscious thought, I just have to get through the surgery. I would have been anxiously holding the possible future tight. Relax. Close eyes, take one deep breath and exhale all the way.  Sit and rest at the bottom of the breath.

Back to the calender.  I thought, I don't have to get through this week - I don't have to get through this day - I am just here now.

I left a window open in my study, and when I opened the door a few minutes ago, it smelled wonderful, cool and fresh.  The drooping branches of the old cedar outside my window have fresh green tips.  Like the leaves on the old oaks, they seem fluffy with new life. The honeysuckle is blooming.  A twig bounces.  A drop of rain.