Wednesday, June 30, 2010

We're a match!

What a strange-sounding ritual:  they mixed blood from me and Laura, and analyzed the results.  You can see it being done in a wizard's cave, or further back in human history, by people who dress in skins, though back then organ transplation was surely impossible.  
This matching is called HLA, and we passed.  My blood did not have antigens that rejected hers, and would have rejected a kidney.
I have the strangest feeling of reboot I have ever had, and I've been on many retreats where the idea was to straighten out my mind a bit.  It didn't seem to be happening as I sat with the Zen group last night, though I did feel my mind was clear, less active than usual.  But I do a lot in my dreams, and perhaps I did last night, waking up to see visual phenomena, this dappled-sunlight, as almost not coherent.  Sounds were also oddly fragmentary. Reboot. 
Reboot - what was that computer into, that old program?  I was - I am - pretty sick, just holding on, praying for a kidney from a deceased donor for over two years now. ( The best deceased-donor kidney is worse than the worst from a living donor.)  So it was a future I just wanted to get through with willpower and caution.  So tired, tired of all the illnesses that accompany this mess.  Last year's frightening arrythmias.  How much energy it takes to cook a meal. Tired of being too old to travel, when other people my age are sending facebook photos of Paris and Minnesota.
New program:  The Tao, the universe, has inexplicably sent my way a fresh, new beautiful kidney.  First of all, it makes that universe look different.  It looks golden and bountiful, like it cares about me.  In this flowing stream there is Laura, who inexplicably wants to be an altruistic donor, who happens to hear about me.  I didn't know there were golden people floating beside me, people filled with light.
New program: I am very likely to have a new life as a result of this.  A resurrected mind that can think again, finish a writing project, getting it out.  A resurrected body that can help, that can take a shower and cook supper in the same day.  A sense of gratitude impelling me even now to want to give something back to this world.  For right now that will be this blog, marking this journey.
[Kanzeon, her thousand arms, ready to give you whatever you need.  This photo taken and  freely given by Nat Krause.]


  1. All is wonderful then. Lets pray for a successful, painless, and stress-free surgery!!

  2. Congratulations! Such joy for you! Gratitude to all Bodhisattvas.

  3. Sounds like fantastic news! Congratulations.

  4. that's wonderful! what an amazing gift!
    I hope all goes smoothly from here!