Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Still waiting

The world is still not arranging itself around me.  This morning Laura called and gave me the phone number and name to ask for at OSU Transplant.  I placed that call, giving them my cellphone number so I could leave the house and not miss a call.  No luck.  No call.

They told Laura the tissue typing has been done, but the results had to be evaluated by someone else.  Sigh.  This is ever the way in a bureaucracy, things are waiting on someone else's desk.  It's June, so that person could be off on vacation this week.  As I say, the rest of the world is not in a hurry for me to get what I want, which is to get the surgery over with.

After I placed the call and put my cellphone in my pocket, I wandered around the house.  I didn't put on garden gloves or pick up a weeder or clipper - I was just there to see the hydrangea, the lilies, the hosta in first bloom.  It was a balmy moment, about 75 degrees, a pleasant breeze.  There are songs about this moment.  I found that I was just there, not doing anything with the moment.  I mean, not taking photographs or thinking about when a certain thing would photograph well.  Not composing a poem in my mind, not cutting flowers for the kitchen table.  Not planning dinner or how to do some autumn work in the gardens.  And I understood what we mean by "retreat" - retreating from all that, just being.  Inside the zendo we sit, doing nothing like that, and call it meditation - we call it "practice."  For not making anything, not going anywhere, not doing.


  1. Whenever Im in your place, when things are not working fast enough for me and to my specifications, I remember to thank whatever it is thats holding up the outcome, because I know that time has its own pace, and that time cannot be messed with. Yours will come :D

  2. It will come, maybe not in the form or time you are wanting, maybe better than you think or want... Just have faith and let go knowing this. Many have asked for this for you, so sit back and let it flow toward you, be open and let it flood in to you. With love and hope that you will allow this:)

    Know you are taken care of and let go.

    Many blessings to you.

  3. I just discovered your blog recently, thank you for sharing so openly. I'm going to go sit and send you some thoughts now.