Hair!

(style by Damien Carney)

As I sat watching the news tonight and inveighing against the too-old-to-be-so-silly woman with hair styled to fall over one eye, I was suddenly inspired. Yes, as I said, "You don't see Morley Safer wearing his hair like that!" I realized the profound truth of it. There is a vast divide between the sexes, especially in the precincts of power. It is marked by, well, a lot of things, but basically, men look serious and women -- have this hair.

We all saw this week, change is possible, but it has to come from the bottom up. What I propose is simple, a campaign every American can join in and be counted. Gentlemen, grow your forelocks so they fall into or completely over one eye. If you like, you can emulate Sarah's do on her acceptance speech at the Republican convention. Every time she blinked, the carefully arranged strands of bangs brushing her eyelashes blinked along with her. It would have driven a lesser woman nuts. That's all we ask of you. If a vice-presidential candidate can do it in front of a million people, you can do it too.

You say everyone would think you looked silly. That's interesting.

As for the women, I'm not asking you to shave your heads; that's a lot of trouble, and winter is coming, besides. I'm not suggesting you stop dunking your scalp in dyes whose long-term impact on the nearbye brain has not been tested with giant longitudinal studies. Just cut your bangs so they don't fall in your eyes.

I know, it's a daunting prospect, but look at it this way -- I gave the men the hard assignment.