Love in Many Guises

Pretty Woman is one of my favorite movies.  I understand that you might think that's crazy, but I can explain.

This is a film set in reality.  The poor woman has no way to earn decent money except to sell her body.  The rich man has no intimacy in his life, with himself or anyone else, and is not particularly a nice guy; this describes pretty well the rich men I have been around.

To sell her body, the pretty woman played byJulia Roberts resorts to making herself into a cliche, with a blonde wig and stereotypical clothing of the kind associated with pornography (or, these days, found in high schools and malls).  But she has a natural goodness, a spirit and sense of humor that comes through and enchants the poor little rich guy.  In the scene above, he enjoys wielding power-through-money after the woman has been snubbed in an exclusive shop; she enjoys it too, and gets her own back.  The snooty saleswoman is left to contemplate her bad karma.

The clothes do great things for the girl; that's the Cinderella story exactly:  a great dress and shoes.  BUT she does not get the man (the proper ending of a love story) until she stands up for herself and walks out on him and sets about getting an education.  He has to humble himself and climb up her tower with roses.  And apologize.  What woman wouldn't love this story?

Oh, quite a few, maybe.  I would understand it if this movie made some folks sick, as it traffics in all this skinny youth and beauty and appearances.  But I like it, and I am a feminist.  I mean, I do not believe men ought to be in power because they're men - power in the home or the workplace or political office. I believe these institutions should be run in a democratic spirit.  I do not believe women should be pretty, not smart.  I think we should be paid the same as men for the same work.

Actually, my radicalism goes deeper.  I think we are all intrinsically valuable and equal in the eyes of eternity, and that competition is by and large a bad thing, a feature of patriarchy that creates a few winners and a lot of cheating and a lot of losers.  I don't see why a CEO should ever earn more than a janitor, whose job is dirtier, more dangerous, and less appealing.  I believe all men and women are created equal, so there you are - I'd revise the  Declaration of Independence, that's how bad I am. 

This movie is the kind of fairy tale our culture is built on.  Pretty girl gets prince.  Still, I like the feminist spin of the ending.  The idea here is that a woman can stand up for herself and make her own way without a guy or his money.  So what do we make of that happy ending?  Well, by and large chick lit and chick flicks are about love, intimate love being possible between two people.  I am contrasting this in my mind with another favorite film, The Big Lebowski, a buddy film that shows committed love between friends, the kind of guys who have a hard time attracting women, I guess. Like Pretty Woman, this is a film based on stereotypes that rises above its genre.

Fair warning:  if you are offended by obscenity, you might want to skip this clip, in which the guys are holding an impromptu guy memorial service for their friend.

The Dude Abides

A frivolous poem from my journal -

pro-gress
e-gress
di-gress
un-gress

 Maybe ungress is "not a word," meaning only that no one has written it down until now, but maybe it should be.  Sounds Zen to me -
ungress: to not go forward.  Just to stand there.

frivolous: not serious in content, attitude, or behavior

serious: concerned with work or important matters rather than play or trivialities.  Work is . . . what is work? you reap something from it.

progress: movement as toward a goal, advancement.  gress is from ancient languages - to advance, to go, to walk. (The opposite of progress is Congress.)

If you must walk purposefully, at least digress - turn aside, stray, wander.A form of play.

So many people work so hard to get somewhere.  But somewhere doesn't exist. When you get there, there's no there there.  What is somewhere?  A better place, materially, one that feels secure.  A time when you can ah-ha be frivolous, have fun.

If you must do serious things, do them in ruffles. Do them with a clown nose on.  Like Bernie Glassman, above on the right.  That's him doing dokusan (private spiritual interview) with Jeff Bridges, famous for The Big Lebowski, an unserious movie in which a spirit of play has the last word. (The title of this post.)  Glassman has accomplished big, serious things, a mandala of services for the homeless, retreats at Auschwitz.  You can read an interview with him here on Tricycle, I hope.  (Like everyone else, Tricycle is starting to limit content to those who pay for it - gasp. I find being a subscriber worth it.)

If you must work, play at it. Oh, don't make me get started on What is play? It is anything done with a play-full attitude.  Which is an attitude of getting nowhere, of exploring - how high can a sand castle go?
Where does this trail go?  What would I do if I don't get a damn thing done today?