Tuesday, September 14, 2010

How lucky you are

The wallet biopsy.  That's what one of my doctors called it - the careful examination of your insurance.  They did it this afternoon - called me because the ID number they had for my private insurance didn't work.  I suspect that means we are now scheduled, but typically, no one has told me.  Or maybe scheduling waits for this last financial confirmation.

And I have calmed down, why? because you do, if you don't cling to your anxiety.  Sleep and dreams help me.  And I have been helped to turn my attitude around by a little spontaneous poem that showed up on the transplant e-list.  It began -
Why me, Lord?
Why have I been so lucky . . . 
So I am seeing all this - going on retreat after years at home, the transplant - as the freely chosen roller-coaster ride.  Thanks to my dharma friend Don Brewer for the above picture.

Thank you, Jomon, for your encouragement to do what I try to do here.

Thank you Laurie D, who told our immediate world about my need for a kidney, and voila, the other Laurie instantly offered one.  Thank you Laurie B.  It seemed as if the universe turned golden and saw to it that I got what I needed.  Sometimes I get a personal feeling about consciousness in the Universe. 

Yesterday we watched a plain little hummingbird evaluate the front garden.  All the hosta blooms cut down.  He defaulted to the red impatience, going from one bloom to the other, though we think hummers prefer tubular flowers.  A hummer works so hard for food.  We here in America - maybe anywhere in the world people can read this blog - are so privileged not to spend our whole lives trying to get enough food, trying to have safe shelter.  But anyway, watching him, I thought as I sometimes do that the theory of natural selection alone is not enough to account for the wonderful designs in this world.  For which I am grateful.

1 comment:

  1. I am so touched by this post. I wish you well, dear Dalai Grandma. I applaud your courage and honesty. Tom